For thinking ...

So apparently the board has a cool message:
Believe it or not! My short skirt has NOTHING to do with you!
It is to you all harassers out there!

Do you happen to have any ... grapes?

There was a really cool duck song in Youtube, where the repeated question was: “Do you happen to have some … grapes?” So, do you?

I do. Eating them right now in the kitchen of my parents’ place. Really giant nicely ripe grapes. In the mean time trying to solve some occurring problems in my head. Firstly, I was wondering, should I be a good friend or a moral person. Here is the dilemma (not regarding the yummy grapes at all, unfortunately :S) – I do not know whether to say to a friend that he is being too pushy and that he hopes for too much. Or just to save my own nerves just ignore the person for the rest of my life. And then when we meet at a party of a common friend, it would be too weird. (Maybe it is already weird.)

It is never easy to have friends like this, because it makes you doubt about the unmoral world we live in. And I really wanted to live in the pink bubble, where everything is beautiful and nice and pink… did I mention pink :P Anyways, if that happens, again, then what is there left in this world. I try to be as strong and up-to-character as possible, but sometimes I just have the feeling, that these people just live in their own world and do not understand what is happening. It is especially difficult with people, who have not had any relationships (yes, I mean sex) in the past years (Do not know, how they can survive that long).

It would be fair to confront him and say, that I do not feel okei with this kind of situation, but I presume, that he will be insulted and heart-ached. Although, he is the one, who has those weird thoughts… hopefully not. But seriously, how do you put a sense in a person, who is not thinking with his head.

I guess we’ve all been through this. Many times we have been crying or kicking something just because our nerves could not take it anymore and we feel like there is no love for us left. We do not consider at all that the world goes on even without the pain. Go figure… And if one chooses to go on in the end, then there will still be a little part of us, which has doubts and self-critiques.

Hey, I am not weak… that much, it is just that I actually consider that person being my good friend. He might take advantage of that, but I will never know unless I confront him. So, here is the message I planned to write him: You have been disrespectful towards me and I do not like it. I feel like we cannot be friends anymore.

I decided that, by the way, after I sent him a message that I will bring him girls from my country (never mind the context) and he responded that he misses only me. Talk about awkward …

In the end, is it in our power to change friends that much. If they wish, they can be assholes or jerks or what ever they wish, but if it crosses the line, then the answer is simple – how far is the limit and how much do you really care for your friend. Deep down inside I hope he understands this, that I do not like it at all. And I hope one fair day he comes to his senses (or finds a woman :P). So we would all be a happy family… probably this is not the way it will happen. So just for the record, for myself or anyone else who happens to read this, please do not harrasse your friends; it makes them feel REALLY uncomfortable! And if it happens, try it with a joke at first, then with strong tone and then just do not give a crap about that person… Good luck to all of us in this place we call humain world! :D

Simply put and misunderstood

Why do we keep complayning and thinking that everything is hard? Isn't it enough that we get criticism from other people, but we also do it to ourselves... lack of self-confidence, perhaps.
Life seems not to be hard. Just get it started and do it. And if you find yourself on the way and keep doing it, then it seems to be good. Until you meet a certain point, where nothing you do makes sense anymore.
Self-criticism or coming from others. Seriously, especially I should have a thick skin and not pay attention to any of them if I know in my heart whaat is right. But if the other person seems to be right as well, then we have to be open-minded and co-operate. So, the more we flow through the life, the more we are able to understand how this process actually works.
Call it intuition, but perhaps life is supposed to be hard in one way or another... how else do we find out what are we and how do we wish to proceed things... Perhaps the best way is to follow ones' bliss (... heart).
What do we really love to do? Ride a bike, play with animals, make clothes or write... listing down everything will give some sense in this chaotic world.
The point, what I wanted to make with this post is, that never mind what others say, never mind what you think, all things will change eventually, as long as you believe in yourself and find a purpose to your existence. Even if it is a puppy or riding a bike every day.
I remember freshly one quote, and I am not sure who said it, but it goes something like this: "A story of a human life, is the story of people finding themselves." This perhaps is the ultimate goal - to live, to live and to live.

Aliens? Are you serious?!

Everyone is interested in whether there is life beyond our little planet Earth. And somewhat the answer has been obvious for many decades. Yes, we are not alone, although we in our Godly complexes and scientific reasons would like to be.
The evidence have lead to many suggestions of beings not from Earth. We all know stories of flying saucers and aliens trying to take over Earth, perhaps because of the water resources. But what is the truth? What to believe and what not?
I do not claim to know it as a lot of people as well. But as I have seen and heard from other sources, they are not violent. Otherwise they would have taken over the planet a long time ago.
So what really happened in area 52? According to witnesses (people working there before) have claimed to see many events of having aliens in the complex itself. The sources are all over Youtube, but hey, must be careful which one to believe.
Everything in my perspective seems to follow more like the scenes in Stargate (and yes, I am a fan of science fiction. Particularly, I find these series interesting.). That aliens help humanity to fight against the evil of different worlds. Of course we have yet to find the mysterious gate, which we are able to travel to different worlds. Although, there are claims of 10 dimensions, and some of the extraterrestrials originating from other dimensions.
So, if we take all these claims as some part of truth (Although, this truth is partly real... the part being having witnesses seeing aliens.), then shouldn´t we be able to make some research according to that. Unfortunately, all evidence seem to be hidden. And I have reached to a dead end.
Going with the stories that science fiction presents us, is just simply not enough anymore. The truth must be told.
Is the human kind ready for truth? Maybe humanity has seen this coming a long way, since we seen the aliens existing in ancient times. We would like to give credit to human race for building the pyramids, but they did not do this alone. Even my grandmother has seen the famous flying saucers. And many stories have been told from generations as fairy tales or fictional poems. So, shouldn´t we be ready a long time ago. Wait... if there is truth, why are we not aware of this. Someone is hiding it for our own protection or...
you know, this still keeps going to a dead end... In the end, all I know is that, personally I am interested in truth and how to make the world go on without destroying itself, so we would be ready for the higher technology and moral perspectives of the other worlds. At the moment, I presume the world would take aliens as a threat... thank you countless movies and secrecy :S
Maybe the first step would be to stop hiding things which are actually important to all men equally. And secondly, power goes only as far as people let it go... because a human being is not evil. We are actually quite peaceful and happy, if we are able to do what we choose. And who says we can´t. Oh, wait... the system...
So... to sum all this up, love yourself and the world you live in. And find proof for things you do not understand. It is part of growing up as a planet... as humanity, whoever we are, where ever we are.
P.S. There have been made countless efforts for people seeing and wanting to see the truth. Great thanks for them for providing some information!

What the heck´ happened to the school system

Haven´t posted for a long time. Just a few months, but still feel like I am missing something from my life. Since I have holiday, then I am just relaxing and taking the time off. Some events in past months have triggered my mind to another topic. Probably I knew this was coming a mile away.
So, long time ago I signed up with dancing lessons. I really liked salsa, and after a few lessons, I met a lovely guy who I was dancing with as well. There was something in him (hmm... there always is.. you know, one of these mysterious type) and we kept on talking until he asked me out. And since that day on, we have been how do you put it lived-happily-ever-after story. And it truly is.
That was a little brighter story. The other one is how things go wrong and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Even an avalanche would be an easier solution... a bit overreacting, but wait til you know what I mean.
And I though that I was signing up for something good, but it turned out that having 5 students in a classroom is not the kind of idealistic situation you would hope for. Especially, when you are international people in an other specific nationalities´ classroom, while you were not talking to each other at all and everything seemed kind of unethical. So, we had no respect, but we thought we still could study. No problem - yeah :S (sigh!) The teachers also had something in their minds ... or maybe not, I can´t be sure (and I am really sorry if I am being unfair to anyone in this situation). Of course you know the story about Cinderella and the Fairy God Mother. The teachers were like the Fairy God Mother - they were taking our emotions into account and we had to feel like children, since there was only five of us left. So, simply put, there was the situation of unethical working environment, where the teachers are teachers and are not. Let me explain the not part - that also meant that in the exam we found out (to our surprise, really :O) that we had failed the exam. Because we did not have sufficient knowledge of the course. (And yeah, of course I am angry at the fact that I failed.) In the school I am studying, I still feel like I am a child. And the teachers treat you like one as well. I do not know exactly how is this supposed to help us in real life... and how does telling us in the end of the semester help all this situation. But then again, it just might be me.
There was also a possibility of redoing the exam, but what would be the point in doing that. Going on with the same problems is, seriously, painful enough and to tell the truth, I had it with treating us special, just because there were few of us and throwing us around as we had no say in this. So, what do I do now? Go back to my own country and start all over again, getting a lot of experience from this. I don´t think so... I will give the school one more chance. Most likely finish with AP degree or if everything goes more than better, then finish with Bachelor :)
Until I wonder and criticize, cry in the pillow and throw things at something, until then I have time to set a focus on the upcoming semester. And what will all that do...
who knows...
The future is full of unexpected thins like me finding a perfect companionship. Except his sleeping habits :D
Moral of this adventure: never go to university if you have a class of 12 people.
Love you guys!

About Ambition

So before going to sleep I was thinking of doing some writing, since I have felt like this for a long time. The topic is about how far can we actually reach and why should we do this. This time it is a bit more serious talk...

There are several people, who will just live for a purpose of knowledges, that one day they will be good at what they do. I admire them, since they are my friends and if not, then people who I am glad to claim as competition. But since I also see how they are slowly killing their lives with that goal, I start to wonder, is this what life is really about? Must we suffer loneliness and solitude in order to become good at what we do? And believe me, they are doing this day after day.

Scientifically, we are more able to work if we have endorphins in our bodies and those we get from laughter and socializing. Usually, if we study too hard, we do not have time for these. And still grabbing the next book to eat and understand would be the ultimate solution.

I have thought that a human brain can go on, because there is no limit – only emotional. In this conclusion, I have understood that studying can happen all the time. So, why did I stop my rapid studying mania?

One reason was that I finally understood that there are more things in life than just studying. You also must learn how to live and enjoy it. Also, we value the people, who are good at what they do, but we can also do those things with a different attitude. I guess these people aren’t exactly unhappy, they have just lost the true meaning of life.

This is the main problem of human nature – we need knowledges. Very distinctively described in “Faust”. Faust was so intelligent, but there was something still missing from his life, and that was brought to him by the devil. Falling in love is a distraction, at least to a person, whose sole goal is to get more and more information into his/her brain. And in the end these people forget how to live their life. Does intelligence make us more smarter about the world? Does it give us the comfort that we are on the right track and do not have to switch trains? Or are emotions just killing our brain and human nature?

Dwelling on the human nature, we are created as animals to follow our basic instincts. We are meant to enjoy emotions, but since a human brain has a giant capacity, then the ones who develop it and enjoy doing this process, they love (literally) their work. What will become of these people by the end of their life? Do they have children by the end of 40? Will they become rich and famous, as this is the ultimate goal? Do they know how to achieve these by not killing themselves before that?

Or is this life just a fiction – we cant, simply is not possible, to have everything what a human soul requires. We just have to make a compromise between our emotions and ultimate goals of fortune. But the wise people know that not everything that is only one obsessive goal will bring happiness. It might advance the world like Einstein or themselves, like Rockafeller in his early age. But in my opinion, that is not what life should be about.

I guess, every person in the end finds his or her way, but my ultimate goal it to have everything – I want to have the time for studying, for socializing and resting. And in the end achieving what I want in this life. And that is one ambition that takes some time. There is one thing I have learned from my mistakes and that is that it takes real courage to face, what you really want and what is important, combined with your true nature.

I am not single anymore :D

Here it goes – I am in love. There, I said it. Anyway, it feels wonderful. I am really happy and I keep daydreaming and thinking about this wonderful guy. He is nice and means a lot to me. Okei, fine, I will not tell you the whole story, but obviously we have some issued… like any other couple. But the thing is – why does it seem like the end of the world when we can´t solve them? May be it is just me…

I am the sort of person, who likes harmony in a relationship. So if there are problems, I will try to solve them or make an elephant from an ant. Well, the last one works sometimes too, but the mainly, if a couple has issues, they seriously need to talk. But sometimes you can not talk and there things are better left alone.

Serious topic, but I still wonder why we do it, if we alone have problems and in a relationship we have problems. And then we have double problems. Because I do not think that you can always share your problems with another… some are too private. Anyway, why not be single, figure out your life and then make a lovely connection, without too many big problems.

Or just be in a relationship when you are young and learn from your mistakes when you are older and wiser… probably a part of growing up.

But I still justify having a relationship at young age, because we need some comfort from people our age and we need some romance. Some just need it more than others, but how long can a person be alone… of course being single has its own privileges – you can do whatever you want and without any consequences. But it is not the same as having a certain person to care and cuddle and hold hands… isn’t this what the movies always show us. In some ways it is true – I feel better with another person next to me and telling me some silly jokes or serious stories. That is the privilege of a relationship.

And the best part is that your health is better, scientifically proven. These are these stupid facts that if you kiss your partner a lot, your immune system will be more resistant. And if you hug a person or hold hands, your body will be more relaxed and full of endorphins. Jei, happy molecules.

But no one told you about the heart aches, when you were younger. So, this is the main reason, why some would like to be rather alone and there are those, who just do not care if they are in or out. And I still keep wondering, how do other people live… do they care or not. Are they in or out. Or, as nowadays, somewhere in the middle, with doubts.

I know I am in. I am totally in. You know when you are stuck on a deserted island and you see a white ship in the distance and you watch it leave and you feel sadness in your heart. This is how I feel sometimes. But I am getting used to it… and I will say this, if people really care, they will make it work. At least I used to believe this, when I was smaller. I still hope it is true. There are different roads to take. We never know why we take these steps, but we choose - left instead of right. And there is no turning back… there can be a stop for peeing only.

P.S. I love you, my dear! And I wish you good night!