I am not single anymore :D

Here it goes – I am in love. There, I said it. Anyway, it feels wonderful. I am really happy and I keep daydreaming and thinking about this wonderful guy. He is nice and means a lot to me. Okei, fine, I will not tell you the whole story, but obviously we have some issued… like any other couple. But the thing is – why does it seem like the end of the world when we can´t solve them? May be it is just me…

I am the sort of person, who likes harmony in a relationship. So if there are problems, I will try to solve them or make an elephant from an ant. Well, the last one works sometimes too, but the mainly, if a couple has issues, they seriously need to talk. But sometimes you can not talk and there things are better left alone.

Serious topic, but I still wonder why we do it, if we alone have problems and in a relationship we have problems. And then we have double problems. Because I do not think that you can always share your problems with another… some are too private. Anyway, why not be single, figure out your life and then make a lovely connection, without too many big problems.

Or just be in a relationship when you are young and learn from your mistakes when you are older and wiser… probably a part of growing up.

But I still justify having a relationship at young age, because we need some comfort from people our age and we need some romance. Some just need it more than others, but how long can a person be alone… of course being single has its own privileges – you can do whatever you want and without any consequences. But it is not the same as having a certain person to care and cuddle and hold hands… isn’t this what the movies always show us. In some ways it is true – I feel better with another person next to me and telling me some silly jokes or serious stories. That is the privilege of a relationship.

And the best part is that your health is better, scientifically proven. These are these stupid facts that if you kiss your partner a lot, your immune system will be more resistant. And if you hug a person or hold hands, your body will be more relaxed and full of endorphins. Jei, happy molecules.

But no one told you about the heart aches, when you were younger. So, this is the main reason, why some would like to be rather alone and there are those, who just do not care if they are in or out. And I still keep wondering, how do other people live… do they care or not. Are they in or out. Or, as nowadays, somewhere in the middle, with doubts.

I know I am in. I am totally in. You know when you are stuck on a deserted island and you see a white ship in the distance and you watch it leave and you feel sadness in your heart. This is how I feel sometimes. But I am getting used to it… and I will say this, if people really care, they will make it work. At least I used to believe this, when I was smaller. I still hope it is true. There are different roads to take. We never know why we take these steps, but we choose - left instead of right. And there is no turning back… there can be a stop for peeing only.

P.S. I love you, my dear! And I wish you good night!

Get a Backbone, Arthur! (“Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”)

I went to a fantastic birthday party yesterday. My friend had planned some quizzes for the guests. Exactly, tests, for fun! It felt amazing, because we did something else, besides drinking and even educate ourselves a little bit. And with great company.

Why does it always feel like this, when you do something useful in a party, the company your in, feels like family and if you just spend your evening drinking, smoking and gossiping, you feel like shit the next morning? You get my point – it is about meaningless, boring, one-of-a-kind situations, which keep repeating themselves every party.

We are supposed to be educated. We are students and we must appreciate the education, whatever it is. We will make it work for us, not the opposite way around. So, isn’t it part of our education to have parties, which are more than shallow gatherings of youth, which we are long beyond due date?

Of course, I am not the example being held in this case, because as a Libra, I am considered a “social butterfly”. I enjoy going from one party to another, but that not being the point, I will still rather go to parties which have something to do, rather than “do”.

But it is amazing, how many people really are interested in these things. I thought for a second, that I am lost in this world, by wanting to study and appreciate learning. In real life I am considered a geek. That was what I thought! It turns out that I am not the only one, who thinks like that. Especially amongst older generation – well, not exactly too old, just a few years, but you got the point already .

So, shouldn’t we learn from elderly (just kidding ;) and plan our parties for more than just wasting our precious time, which we do not have anyway, with a bonus of good company :) Wouldn’t we rather be educated than fun?

Or we can see things, as they are in American movies – “Lets party! Meaninglessly and in style!”

I don’t want to be a party pooper, because I really enjoy having fun. I think most of us do. But my point being the way it is done. Quality or quantity will have a big effect on your brain soon, so our mind should be made up soon! Do party in style or we party in “style”!

Oh, and I will thank my friend for a fabulous party and for opening my mind with his courage!

Hey, we all make mistakes!

Every time when we even try to correct our mistakes or say to another, that we would like to turn back the time, the other always says: “It is not possible.” True, but what if it were!? Would we do things the same way or change it completely? And eventually how big of a difference would it really make, since we can not change the way things are anyway. - A bit serious topic.

A human is meant to make mistakes. I make mistakes every day, starting from the smallest, like forgetting to buy washing liquid or more important – bread. And then I curse myself, that how could I have been so distracted. And promising myself, that next time, I will make a list with CAPITAL LETTERS all colored in bright yellow. But, washing liquid is not the most important and vital thing (yeah, bread is kind of important!). The more responsibility we take, harder the decisions will be. And the worse part is that we enjoy these decisions, until we know for sure that things have gone totally wrong.

The situations always have a tendency to do that (and we are still amazed) – it is like a sequence of events. You are interested, you get comfortable, you get too comfortable and then something bad happens, just because you were too lazy. But then again, what is wrong of allowing yourself some relaxation time after you got bored. Like a nice vacation in the Bahamas or somewhere like that. To take some time off, rethink your values and then just come back and see if this really works for you. And if it doesn’t, then hey, it didn’t and you just move on with your life. And that is that. Nothing difficult, right!

Now comes the hardest part: once in a sunny evening drink too much or are emotionally unstable (hm, I mean tired and things have gone bad, again!!!) and then you just start to think, oh, why didn´t things go the other way (a better and more convenient way). And we swear to ourselves, that we could have made it. Personally, I never have completely understood, why the heck I feel like crap, just because I can´t turn back the time.

Wouldn´t it be nice if you could remake a decision? You have the experience now; you know that you do! Well for me, the best thing that I could ever learn from all the “shots”, is that practice makes perfect. But, I did not know what will happen, when I was 10, right. We do not know everything when we are just children. Anyway, I sometimes miss the time, which I could have spent on, for example, learning to play the piano properly or reading a book, which I have no time to read now. Because eventually we have only a limited amount of time given on this planet and if we do not use it, now that would be a shame.

No one is perfect and we should all be allowed to make mistakes and never correct them. Because we learn from them after the experience, and we become more educated (on the part how to live a life in 66 years). But there will be times, when we really have the opportunity to make a mends; we can make a correction to our mistakes – by taking a shopping list with big capital letters and adopting it into our lifestyle. May be then, I would not feel so bad about forgetting about the bread.

Treat others like you want yourself to be treated.

There is this dilemma I have to face. I haven’t done anything wrong, except only in my own point of perspective (but that is up to my ego and me to solve). But everyone else also has the right to criticize my actions – for their own pleasure, I guess. I do not say that I am without any guilt. Oh no, there were times, when I enjoyed gossip. It was like my second occupation (after being a cahier, which kind of makes sense). But seriously, I am not proud of it. I never liked to talk about people and their actions, because no one is better than the other.

Anyway, I admit, I am affected by words, but who is not. And in order to become strong, I need to be like the society wants – I need to gossip, swear and hate the world around me. I do not need to see the nice things, because that would make me too naive and boring. I might be mistaken, but aren’t the most interesting people these, who step on others, act like they know better and use others. Of course, this does not lead anywhere, but it is still done like this.

I guess it is called manipulation. I remember one person saying some nasty stuff to me. And not with a oh-I-just-made-a-joke-laugh-now voice. Logically taken, he of course had a point with it. I presume that he was sad about something; or rather not… But my reaction was, why do we think that we can say everything to other person. Don’t we care about the feelings of others. Hmm… most likely not. Why should we – we do not live for others, we live for ourselves, and we even die alone in a cold winter night (if we are lucky). Honesty and truth are dangerous – we might even believe every single detail that is said, just because we consider ourselves to be honest and we expect the same from our opponents. And in that moment, there is no critical mind, at least for me. Only a simple emotion. But, you enjoy using it, don’t you. You see the glow and suddenly, you can’t stop and you need to say something so smart, which makes the other look bad and gives you power over the other. Ahh… the sweet taste of evil... And just because you are bored or you feel like it. So in the end, do we need honesty? Or do we need to show our importance towards people, who are actually more smarter than us?

By smarter people, I mean sincerely happy people. I admire them, because they get up every morning with a smile on their faces. And what is even more admirable, they can actually smile to others, sincerely. They say that a smile prolongs your life and tears take it away. I would not like to be responsible for someone’s death (not that I am, but in general, it makes me think), but if I could make a person smile, even once, even with my stupid-silly-naive comments, then I feel better already. I just don’t feel good, when I do evil, even to those, who have manipulated me. If I would do it, it would not make me any better.

But I have learned one thing: I will not gossip about people, who I know nothing about and haven’t walked in their shoes at least a mile.

Hei people, respect to you, that you are doing what you are doing!