To Oscar and the free will of writers...

I made a promise - I will write every day something. I have doubts about what is my area of topics and what should I concentrate in overall.
Many of my previous works have been either really fictional and artistic, you know like Kafka and fairy tales or something in the middle (if that even exists ;). And some teachers have also said that I have talent in writing. As well as my reports seem to have positive grades... it could be my personality as well :D. Okei, enough with the ego.
But seriously, for the next month I will write and write and write ... I heard that the trick is not to go to sleep until you have written your words for the day.
So, that was what I wanted to write about today.
You know the feeling, that you need to get something out of you, and writing seems to be one of those ways of doing it. And whatever you put on the paper, it will still make sense, because you created it. At least, that is on the good times... on the bad times, there is so much self-criticism and it is impossible to quiet the mind for correcting all the mistakes.
But for a writer it is the same as for the artist (painter) - if the work needs editing, then it should be done until it is ready. But sometimes, the creation is overwhelming that there is nothing needed to add or take away. In my opinion, that is what art and self expression is all about - to find the inner balance between reality and self-criticism.
Before I end, I would like to quote my favorite writer Oscar Wilde: "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." (1905)
It is not that we are fake, which might be in some cases. But we tend to loan or take thoughts from someone else unconsciously. So if you think you are genuine, then it is not so. I remember all the words and habits, which I have inherited from the world and other people.
Thank you for the experience for making me who I am today!

How is this relevant to the communication between people?

Just watched a bit of Zeitgeist – it always makes me more aware of the world. I might not agree with everything, but then again a lot in there is how I feel as well. But yeah, same problem again, how do you start changing the world, which still lives in old ways. There is no way that all people agree to one kind of arrangement.

We can see examples of this in everyday communication as well. People just have difficulties in finding a common language. It can be even a smallest and the most pointless topic. And if a person is willing to defend some unreasonable argumentation, then there is no way that mind can be changed.

Recently I had two arguments, which I can claim with certainty, that these could have been prevented, if both sides would be willing for compromises. Firstly, my boyfriend and I had a serious topic about my financial status and work. The problem was that I have to put my working hours in later afternoon, because I have school. On the other hand, I do not want to lose my job, because it would be more suitable for the employer. In the end, the argumentation was unsolved, because I we physically did not have the strength to fight.

So, what was the point of stressing all these nerves, if communication in the end fails anyway? And even if one of us tries to prove the point in a nice manner, still the one feels being attacked.

Another example is with the person who provides me with this job. We both had a misunderstanding about payment. I tried in a nice manner to explain that this is how things are, but she seemed not to understand at all and be stuck with one line, like she was insulted. So again, a problem unsolved, because two people do not know exactly how to connect with each other.

There are many self-help books for how to communicate with people. I really like that Dale Carnegie suggests staying positive and getting your way with that method. It seems that it makes the people do your way. Dealing with a person, who has a hard day or is just not willing to make any compromises, because he or she does not want, is not stupidity, but as Deepak Chopra puts it - pain in a person and unconscious actions regarding it. Believe it or not, but all our prisons are filled with people like that. (And they call me crazy.)

In the end, I do not think that money is that important to spend your nerves on fighting. And if I cannot do anything about it, then it is not worth the fuzz (Dale Carnegie).

I would like to end this blog with the topic I started with. The Zeitgeist Movement proposes that all people should be more conscious towards our lives. They put in simple words – man, think what is happening around you and whether you like it or not. In the end it is in every person’s free will whether they absorb everything in the society or think outside the tv-box. And Zeitgeist is a good beginning to that direction. At least a persons’ view of the world is not so narrow.

Who has not seen it yet can visit youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/TZMOfficialChannel

Did you notice what I just did?
I made a contradiction within this writing. In the beginning I say that there is no way that all people agree to the same thing. In the end I make a certain remark, that people should be more conscious and watch Zeitgeist. So, I like people thinking my way. Heh…
And in the end it is up to every person, because no one is forced to do anything. (Except our society’s who need to fight in Afghanistan. And our governments, who steal money from the people, not only in the US.)

For thinking ...

So apparently the board has a cool message:
Believe it or not! My short skirt has NOTHING to do with you!
It is to you all harassers out there!

Do you happen to have any ... grapes?

There was a really cool duck song in Youtube, where the repeated question was: “Do you happen to have some … grapes?” So, do you?

I do. Eating them right now in the kitchen of my parents’ place. Really giant nicely ripe grapes. In the mean time trying to solve some occurring problems in my head. Firstly, I was wondering, should I be a good friend or a moral person. Here is the dilemma (not regarding the yummy grapes at all, unfortunately :S) – I do not know whether to say to a friend that he is being too pushy and that he hopes for too much. Or just to save my own nerves just ignore the person for the rest of my life. And then when we meet at a party of a common friend, it would be too weird. (Maybe it is already weird.)

It is never easy to have friends like this, because it makes you doubt about the unmoral world we live in. And I really wanted to live in the pink bubble, where everything is beautiful and nice and pink… did I mention pink :P Anyways, if that happens, again, then what is there left in this world. I try to be as strong and up-to-character as possible, but sometimes I just have the feeling, that these people just live in their own world and do not understand what is happening. It is especially difficult with people, who have not had any relationships (yes, I mean sex) in the past years (Do not know, how they can survive that long).

It would be fair to confront him and say, that I do not feel okei with this kind of situation, but I presume, that he will be insulted and heart-ached. Although, he is the one, who has those weird thoughts… hopefully not. But seriously, how do you put a sense in a person, who is not thinking with his head.

I guess we’ve all been through this. Many times we have been crying or kicking something just because our nerves could not take it anymore and we feel like there is no love for us left. We do not consider at all that the world goes on even without the pain. Go figure… And if one chooses to go on in the end, then there will still be a little part of us, which has doubts and self-critiques.

Hey, I am not weak… that much, it is just that I actually consider that person being my good friend. He might take advantage of that, but I will never know unless I confront him. So, here is the message I planned to write him: You have been disrespectful towards me and I do not like it. I feel like we cannot be friends anymore.

I decided that, by the way, after I sent him a message that I will bring him girls from my country (never mind the context) and he responded that he misses only me. Talk about awkward …

In the end, is it in our power to change friends that much. If they wish, they can be assholes or jerks or what ever they wish, but if it crosses the line, then the answer is simple – how far is the limit and how much do you really care for your friend. Deep down inside I hope he understands this, that I do not like it at all. And I hope one fair day he comes to his senses (or finds a woman :P). So we would all be a happy family… probably this is not the way it will happen. So just for the record, for myself or anyone else who happens to read this, please do not harrasse your friends; it makes them feel REALLY uncomfortable! And if it happens, try it with a joke at first, then with strong tone and then just do not give a crap about that person… Good luck to all of us in this place we call humain world! :D

Simply put and misunderstood

Why do we keep complayning and thinking that everything is hard? Isn't it enough that we get criticism from other people, but we also do it to ourselves... lack of self-confidence, perhaps.
Life seems not to be hard. Just get it started and do it. And if you find yourself on the way and keep doing it, then it seems to be good. Until you meet a certain point, where nothing you do makes sense anymore.
Self-criticism or coming from others. Seriously, especially I should have a thick skin and not pay attention to any of them if I know in my heart whaat is right. But if the other person seems to be right as well, then we have to be open-minded and co-operate. So, the more we flow through the life, the more we are able to understand how this process actually works.
Call it intuition, but perhaps life is supposed to be hard in one way or another... how else do we find out what are we and how do we wish to proceed things... Perhaps the best way is to follow ones' bliss (... heart).
What do we really love to do? Ride a bike, play with animals, make clothes or write... listing down everything will give some sense in this chaotic world.
The point, what I wanted to make with this post is, that never mind what others say, never mind what you think, all things will change eventually, as long as you believe in yourself and find a purpose to your existence. Even if it is a puppy or riding a bike every day.
I remember freshly one quote, and I am not sure who said it, but it goes something like this: "A story of a human life, is the story of people finding themselves." This perhaps is the ultimate goal - to live, to live and to live.

Aliens? Are you serious?!

Everyone is interested in whether there is life beyond our little planet Earth. And somewhat the answer has been obvious for many decades. Yes, we are not alone, although we in our Godly complexes and scientific reasons would like to be.
The evidence have lead to many suggestions of beings not from Earth. We all know stories of flying saucers and aliens trying to take over Earth, perhaps because of the water resources. But what is the truth? What to believe and what not?
I do not claim to know it as a lot of people as well. But as I have seen and heard from other sources, they are not violent. Otherwise they would have taken over the planet a long time ago.
So what really happened in area 52? According to witnesses (people working there before) have claimed to see many events of having aliens in the complex itself. The sources are all over Youtube, but hey, must be careful which one to believe.
Everything in my perspective seems to follow more like the scenes in Stargate (and yes, I am a fan of science fiction. Particularly, I find these series interesting.). That aliens help humanity to fight against the evil of different worlds. Of course we have yet to find the mysterious gate, which we are able to travel to different worlds. Although, there are claims of 10 dimensions, and some of the extraterrestrials originating from other dimensions.
So, if we take all these claims as some part of truth (Although, this truth is partly real... the part being having witnesses seeing aliens.), then shouldn´t we be able to make some research according to that. Unfortunately, all evidence seem to be hidden. And I have reached to a dead end.
Going with the stories that science fiction presents us, is just simply not enough anymore. The truth must be told.
Is the human kind ready for truth? Maybe humanity has seen this coming a long way, since we seen the aliens existing in ancient times. We would like to give credit to human race for building the pyramids, but they did not do this alone. Even my grandmother has seen the famous flying saucers. And many stories have been told from generations as fairy tales or fictional poems. So, shouldn´t we be ready a long time ago. Wait... if there is truth, why are we not aware of this. Someone is hiding it for our own protection or...
you know, this still keeps going to a dead end... In the end, all I know is that, personally I am interested in truth and how to make the world go on without destroying itself, so we would be ready for the higher technology and moral perspectives of the other worlds. At the moment, I presume the world would take aliens as a threat... thank you countless movies and secrecy :S
Maybe the first step would be to stop hiding things which are actually important to all men equally. And secondly, power goes only as far as people let it go... because a human being is not evil. We are actually quite peaceful and happy, if we are able to do what we choose. And who says we can´t. Oh, wait... the system...
So... to sum all this up, love yourself and the world you live in. And find proof for things you do not understand. It is part of growing up as a planet... as humanity, whoever we are, where ever we are.
P.S. There have been made countless efforts for people seeing and wanting to see the truth. Great thanks for them for providing some information!

What the heck´ happened to the school system

Haven´t posted for a long time. Just a few months, but still feel like I am missing something from my life. Since I have holiday, then I am just relaxing and taking the time off. Some events in past months have triggered my mind to another topic. Probably I knew this was coming a mile away.
So, long time ago I signed up with dancing lessons. I really liked salsa, and after a few lessons, I met a lovely guy who I was dancing with as well. There was something in him (hmm... there always is.. you know, one of these mysterious type) and we kept on talking until he asked me out. And since that day on, we have been how do you put it lived-happily-ever-after story. And it truly is.
That was a little brighter story. The other one is how things go wrong and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Even an avalanche would be an easier solution... a bit overreacting, but wait til you know what I mean.
And I though that I was signing up for something good, but it turned out that having 5 students in a classroom is not the kind of idealistic situation you would hope for. Especially, when you are international people in an other specific nationalities´ classroom, while you were not talking to each other at all and everything seemed kind of unethical. So, we had no respect, but we thought we still could study. No problem - yeah :S (sigh!) The teachers also had something in their minds ... or maybe not, I can´t be sure (and I am really sorry if I am being unfair to anyone in this situation). Of course you know the story about Cinderella and the Fairy God Mother. The teachers were like the Fairy God Mother - they were taking our emotions into account and we had to feel like children, since there was only five of us left. So, simply put, there was the situation of unethical working environment, where the teachers are teachers and are not. Let me explain the not part - that also meant that in the exam we found out (to our surprise, really :O) that we had failed the exam. Because we did not have sufficient knowledge of the course. (And yeah, of course I am angry at the fact that I failed.) In the school I am studying, I still feel like I am a child. And the teachers treat you like one as well. I do not know exactly how is this supposed to help us in real life... and how does telling us in the end of the semester help all this situation. But then again, it just might be me.
There was also a possibility of redoing the exam, but what would be the point in doing that. Going on with the same problems is, seriously, painful enough and to tell the truth, I had it with treating us special, just because there were few of us and throwing us around as we had no say in this. So, what do I do now? Go back to my own country and start all over again, getting a lot of experience from this. I don´t think so... I will give the school one more chance. Most likely finish with AP degree or if everything goes more than better, then finish with Bachelor :)
Until I wonder and criticize, cry in the pillow and throw things at something, until then I have time to set a focus on the upcoming semester. And what will all that do...
who knows...
The future is full of unexpected thins like me finding a perfect companionship. Except his sleeping habits :D
Moral of this adventure: never go to university if you have a class of 12 people.
Love you guys!